Hypnosis Day Four

Day four of our hypnosis class got us to listen to empty coca cola cans and sea shells and see what we can hear. since it is the hearing faculty that we are using, I may have difficluty with that because of my injured ear. So I let it be, the POWER of LET asd Father Bu told us is not working with me. All I can hear is "I am so tired". I do not know where did I get that reception. By the way we also tried to look for hidden things inside the room and I was close to finding it. We also tried to intuitively guess the school of one of our classmates who is from UST by using our thumb and of course not by reasoning. I've intuitively seen the letters E and T and then last is letter U, I cannot make a school out of it and I never thought it could be UST. Whew so much for the activity and getting intuition, I didn't shared it though.

Hypnosis Day Four

Day four got us looking into Crystal Balls, similar to the one's you see in tiangge in Quiapo. We were four in our group and we are suppose to look into each other's past life. I have hesitations with all of the activity since day one, and I know that I cannot see, but feel but this time, I saw something and when I discharged the soft eyes, it stopped. We discussed what we saw, and when it was their turn to see into me, my supressed emotions emancipated. The feelings that I've been trying to control suddenly resurfaced.
One of my group mates sees me crying, alone and according to her, she wants to confort me but she had the feeling that I want to be left alone. I was alone and want to be left alone. I had to control myself from crying during the discussion so I have to use another defense mechanism again. I am aware of all my defenses.
Now I realized that I was an unhappy person trying to fool everyone that I am ok. That all is well within me. The feelings that I've been trying to suppress resurfaced and hit me and I cannot control it. I am loosing control, I need a release of this deep emotions of anger, helplessness and my unhappiness.
Shopping would not solve it, i simply want to get away. Sometimes I thought of hurting myself to know that I could still feel because after all of the defenses I've been using to cover my unhappiness has left me cold and unfeeling.

Hypnosis Day Three

One of our activity during our third day is the Yin-yang experience, one should be a receiver the yang and the yin the sender. This is done by putting your hands above the other hands of your partner. Those whose hand is below is the other hand would be the sender. It was my turn to be a sender and the message that I want to send is my experience having a painful ear candling, from going through the session to going to the medical doctor to have it checked.
You will do this transmission by mentally connecting with your partner and see if your partner can see into you. Turned out she was able to send my message, clearly and accurately, I told myself that just the "candle" would make me believe what we are doing. As for me, when it was my turn to receive messages, I think I failed to see anything. I cannot let go of the control, I may have a little hesitation with the activity on receiving messages. I am not open.

Walk Like a Man

finally, I tried to make a video of my nephew's christening and look how it turned out.

Day Two Hypnosis

Here's what happened in day tow, we learned how to tell a person's blood pressure through the index finger and thumb. We also used a divining rod, a st/ benedict's cross and tried to go to a person's house and describe their house then you would ask the person for accuracy. I guess hindi pa ako BL (bukas loob) because I am not feeling well, I tried the divining rod and asked some questions, and I got a very acceptable answer.

Hypnosis Day One

It was a Monday afternoon, our class starts at 3:00 p.m. Irwin drived me to Ateneo Social Science Bldg. we arrived at 2:30 pm. I've seen some of my would be classmates all waiting for Father Jaime Bulatao. I've seen him arrived and went to his office. When it was already time, a staff opened the room and we went inside. I was suppose to go to the washroom but when I opened it. There he was, he held my hand, I felt something, some kind of energy, I cannot identify the feeling, something like someone with power was holding me, he asked me " Do I know you?" I told him "no father, my name is Agnes". Then he held my hand for a while and released it, akala ko nga ihahatid ko siya hanggang sa harap eh may mag-aalalay naman sa kanya. He was 84 years old last September. Very old and wise.
Next, we all sat down inside beside each other, no one wants to sit with me, initially we are behind a table, then he asked us to place our chair in front of the tables, so we are facing each other no barriers na table. Meron na akong katabi.
NExt, he demonstrated an hypnosis touch, biglang nag freeze your arm ng classmate namin. parang na paralyzed. Ewan ko I was skeptic pa. Then the classmate tried it on another classmate, ganun din. After that we all tried it, yung katabi ko, ginawa ko sa kanya, gumana pero nawala, nung siya sa akin, ayaw, naghanap kami ng ibang partner paghawak sa akin nung isa, nakuryente siya sa akin meron akong static electricity. hahaha. kala niya siguro kung ano yun.

One Year and Seven Months

My Delusions
We are almost two years married. Did it change anything in me? Have I learned how to cook or do household chores? Hmm. The answer is no. I may not learn any of the domestic work but I do learn something about myself that makes me appreciate Irwin more and the people around me. I learned to know myself, I accept myself as who I am.
After taking a neuropsychiatric examination which is a requirement for employment and after doing some researches on giftedness, I had the realization that maybe I am a gifted adult. Majority of the characteristics of a gifted individual fits me. I have an above average IQ, consider myself creative, I can learn new things and be good at it, I am resourceful, I think different than most people, I tend to seek the company of older adults, I get restless if I am not learning, sensitive, compassionate, likes ambiguity among others.
As a child I remembered creating poems, I remember changing the poem Tree into something else. I was creating poems because I want to join the contest in Uncle Bob's TV show on channel 7. Maybe I envied those kids on TV because they have a lot of nice things which I do not have. In high school, I have several original compositions of novels, short stories, I was making poems too, and I have a notebook full of it. I was eyeing the Youngblood section of Inquirer but I never had a chance to really submit anything.
I was good in Math, but I developed a phobia for it when my high school teacher reprimanded me because we were laughing while praying. I was the only one caught, no; I was the only one who confessed to doing it. I was getting high grades but my last grade was 89 and the rest of my classmates were 90 and above even though I performed better than them. I never hated math after that though. My hate for math started in fourth year high school, I took the exam on Trigonometry, It was a 50 item test and I have one mistake. The highest scorer got a perfect score and she was acknowledged. She was the president of Math Club. I was not a president of any club. I was very happy with my grade it was an achievement. I was waiting for another announcement of the next higher scorer but I was not called. I could never forget that day, that was the time where I hated math.
I remember too when I was in elementary, I do not want to have a high grade, I was keeping my grades average so my classmates would not envy me. I remember one classmates who commented “ Bakit alam mo ang lahat?” instead of being proud, I was embarrassed because she said it like she don’t want me to know anything. She made it look like she was so embarrassed because I know the answer and she did not. Ok, so I better shut up because people get insecure.
I remember to keep on the average side, not too showy people might notice. Maybe that is one reason I never want to get any attention to myself. I never wanted to be the center of attention.
I remember in my fourth year in high school, I got a 99 percentile grade on my NCEE. I ranked 5th in our class, there were 4 who got the 99+ , they were the valedictorian, salutatorian, president of the student council and secretary of our class and me, I was just an ordinary student. I take it as an achievement too, I got higher grades than our class president, and only four from our batch got the 99++ percentile.

My grades were average in college. I worked as a secretary and after that shifted to IT as a programmer. I worked as a technical support, a nice term for technician, I wanted to learn so I asked to be transferred to that department. I learned a lot, I was the only female in the group. I think that also an achievement. After that work I applied as an agent in a call center, I was on top of the class during training and even after when we were deployed. I got a high score on my first day and first week until third week. I quit after that. I am working as a teacher now and based from the last teacher's evalution, I got the highest rank among all teachers. I have no previous experience in teaching but that is a proof that I can do something good even with limited resources and skills. Siguro tsamba lang kasi mabait ang mga students ko, maybe it is the sensitive me who is working or the compassionate me, or the deeper knowledge of human condition helped me to teach those students. Maybe they see my dedication to help them learn.
I think I will never do what my previous teachers did. All I have to do is believe in them and in their capabilities. Maybe after a lot of soul searching on what to do, I could say I am home.